A Challenging Month

April has certainly been a challenge.  At the beginning of the month I began having difficulty breathing.  I was thinking, "oh, I'm so out of shape."  Which, I am, but that was not reason for my extreme breathlessness.  After a trip to the doctor, who then sent me to ER it was determined that a cancerous lymph node in my right chest had become enlarged and was pushing on my airway.  Two days later I began chemotherapy.  

So far I have had two treatments, a week apart, and last week I had off.  Last week I also had increasing difficulty with my breathing, and was coughing and wheezing a lot and ended up in ER again last Monday.   This time my breathing was more a result (or combo maybe) of the tumor, plus a very low white blood cell count because of chemo.  

It is so difficult to do anything when you can't catch your breath.  Even eating, slowly, made me out of breath.  By the end of last week I was feeling quite sorry for myself.  I'm happy to report that attitude has made a complete 180.  Today I felt so incredible.  I had quite a busy day, coughed very minimally, and felt so physically great because I could do things without being exhausted.  I like good days like today.

I will try to remember that in the next two weeks as I have a chemo treatment tomorrow (Wed.), and the following week.  I'm sure my counts will drop again, and I could end up in the same predicament.  However, if the tumor keeps on shrinking, then it will also help.  God let me know in a very real way, the other night, that I am a tough cookie, and I can do this...again.  I shall work to remain humble in my predicament, and hold on to the HOPE that God gives to me through His grace.

Reminded by my lovely friend, Laura in Lisbon... from the book "If God is Good - Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil" by Randy Alcorn

"If God brought eternal joy through the suffering of Jesus, can he bring eternal joy through my present suffering, and yours?  If Jesus endured his suffering through anticipating the reward of unending joy, can he empower you and me to do the same?" (p. 216)

You bet He can, because already has.